Recovering from a stroke is the hardest thing I have ever done. This is a very vulnerable topic for me to speak about. To be honest, I hate emotions, I prefer to keep everything bottled up inside and pretend (horribly) that I am above it. However, with much self reflection, shame is a seed that grows within every secret you keep and every uncomfortable emotion that you hide away. I refuse to be ashamed, so I will put up with the discomfort.
Everyone is recovering from something. It may be a job loss, a death of a loved one, a traumatic event, depression, a miscarriage or at this time in my life, a stroke and all of the endless recovery that comes along with that.
Heartache is easy to come by in this life. Everyone’s lives are filled with times of struggle, unhappiness and days that you don’t want to crawl out of the sheets because if you face another day like the last one, it might crush what soul you have left. I think if we are honest with ourselves, everyone has felt like this at one time or another, only some of us are better at hiding it and plastering on a fraudulent smile. Our struggles are different, but our emotions link us together.
Recovery is not a linear event. It is a rollercoaster filled with unimaginable peaks and valleys along the way. For that matter, life is neither linear nor direct. As much as we try, life is not something that you can schedule and control. You will have to go through many highs, lows and every direction in between. If you are lucky, you have someone to hold your hand and support you along the way. Find those people, reach out to them and allow them to hold you up when your knees are weak.
The thing is, as great as the support system you may have, no one can save you but yourself. At one point or another, we all need saving. Sometimes we need to push through our emotions, our loneliness and our disappointment and just stumble through the day.
You alone have to decide you are worth saving, you alone have to crawl out from under the covers and do what you thought was not possible. You alone have to reach out to someone when the burden is too much to bare. You have to be your own hero.
You have to decide that you are worthy of living a life beyond the grief, beyond the sorrow and heartache and have hope that there will be better days. Know that there will be better days to come and you just need to get through today to realize it. The moment you realize that you are worth saving, is the same moment that brings you closer to a time where your memories of grief, or emptiness will not be all encompassing.
Today, just get through a moment at a time and count your blessings tomorrow.
Today be your own hero. Today save yourself, because only you can decide you’re worth it.